I know this blog
has been slacking…actually it has come to a screeching halt but I'm about to
tell you why:
Over the Hill (but actually known as 33);
33 years old.
I
was a little hesitant about this swipe because let’s be honest, he’s 33 and we
all remember the 30 year old who grilled me about when I thought I’d get
engaged and that forbidden topic of babies. But he was definitely cute and his
profile followed the over 30 swipe rules of being mildly funny with no kids. He
was even clever when he answered my initial message which is sadly rare so I
was into it. Let’s fast forward to date planning.
We
went back and forth discussing our favorite places and his choices were music
to my ears (which really only means his favorite places are also mine) until he
mentioned a place I had never been and I made the unfortunate decision to tell
him that. He took that as the end all be all decision for our first date
location. I’m all for quick decisions except this place is not a first date
place and being type A, I definitely don’t like going somewhere I’ve never been
with someone I’ve never met. Over the next few days I tried everything to
change the restaurant to no avail. I even sent some slightly aggressive drunk
texts about it and I still lost this fight somehow. He offered to pick me up
and since I had the same offer from other dates, I knew exactly how to get out
of it, or so I thought. I’m not a big fan of being picked up for a first date
because I just think they don’t need to know where I live unless I actually
like them and let’s be real, some of these guys could be a batshit crazy
psychopath. Text sent: “I’m out of your way, there’s no reason for you to do
that! I’ll meet you there” paired nicely with a smiley face so they don’t feel
defeated. I was in the middle of patting myself on the back for dodging that
bullet when I got the text back; “Yes, you're out of my way but also out of my
league neither of which are stopping me”. After I swooned for a second from the
confidence and the over the top compliment, I had a moment of panic. Again, I
tried everything to get him to change his mind but I lost this fight too. This
girl is not used to losing this much and so I was childishly annoyed that I
wasn’t getting what I wanted. I’m already hearing the word “no” too much from
this kid and I haven’t even met him. (I’m using the term “kid” loosely…obviously).
The
day came and I’m still stuck with all of the decisions I didn’t make but I’m
excited. I was even more excited when I got a morning text from him telling me
he was looking forward to tonight. It was refreshing because usually I’m
sitting there all day wondering if a date is still even happening and whether
or not I can or should make other plans with my friends. I get ready and even
pulled out my high-heeled booties because they make my legs look real good
especially in my black skinny jeans (which I also wore). I slightly regretted
that decision when I finished the pregame and realized I had to now actually
walk around in these booties and not trip. Good news, I managed to make it to
his car in what I can only imagine was slow motion perfection. Just kidding, I
tripped a little but I don’t think he noticed. I’m used to taking ubers to
these dates and making my driver listen to the spark note version of the guy
I’m about to meet. It always seemed to make me less nervous, except in this car
ride that’s not an option since I can’t really give this kid the run down on
himself. I sat there awkwardly quiet while fidgeting with my hands (because
that’s mature and sexy) until he took one for the team and actually spoke. You
know when you haven’t spoken for a while and you’re kind of nervous (and also
kind of drunk) and you stutter over your words at first? Yep, that happened.
Can you tell I’m batting a thousand right now? The ride was actually nice once
I stopped being super awkward; there were no weird silences and I even laughed
a bit too. (Could be that pregame though).
I
knew this kid was really close to his family but I definitely didn’t expect
them to be at the restaurant when we got there. Just kidding, they weren’t.
This date just went so well that I had to try to make this a little funny but
reading it over, I think I failed. To be clear, the family wasn’t there. Dinner
was great and it had all my favorite things; a steady stream of compliments,
food and wine…lots of wine. We stayed there so long we were the last ones in
the restaurant and part of me was now worried about getting up and having to
walk in these tall booties. Luckily without even asking he offered his arm, so
we’ll just assume I would have walked straight with or without the assistance.
At
this point I’m smitten. He even makes the unfortunate decision to let me play
my own music in his car on the way home but somehow still found me endearing. I’m
dancing up a storm, smiling ear to ear when all of the sudden there’s a huge
jolt. My phone flies forward while my head snaps back; we just got rear ended.
Nope, not kidding. Because I’m the smoothest person around the first thing out
of my mouth is “what just happened?” and surprisingly he actually answered that
stupid question non-sarcastically letting me know that we just got hit. I
thought of replying with a sarcastic “thank you Captain Obvious” but I was too
shaken and smitten to do that. I let boys be boys while I frantically texted
everyone I know about what was happening to me because this girl needs some
sympathy right about now. I'm in the middle of furiously texting and getting
attention when there’s a knock on the door. Can you believe it?! 33 made the
other driver come apologize to me. I didn’t cry through this ordeal which might
have saved this date from complete disaster (I’m also giving myself 2 gold
stars for that). I made it home, still smitten as ever but now with some neck
pain.
I
haven’t gone on a date with someone else since I met 33 a month and some ago.
We’ve seen each other a lot since that first night and talk almost all the time
(not in a creepy way though). There hasn’t been a day without me laughing which
is just keeping me completely smitten. I’ve even met his friends already which
was a shitshow in itself. I knew I was walking into a firing squad because no
30 something year old woman is going to love when their guy friend brings a token
25 year old around as a date and I pregamed appropriately. I survived but also
got myself drunk under the table by this group. Holy dang, these 30 something
livers work better than mine! Life goals at 33? I think so.
I’m
not sure I’ll write again unless this ends up going terribly wrong and there
are more dates with other bumbles. Maybe I’ll eventually meet 33’s parents and
maybe y’all want to hear about that adventure? As for now, I’m busy being
treated like gold by this 33 year old, not letting a day go by without reminding
him of his age and mine (because I’m charming like that) and coming up with a
reason why I can’t wear burnt orange before football season starts. I see that
color a lot now since it seems to be the staple color of 33’s wardrobe and I’m
just not sold on it so any help with excuses would be appreciated. Wish me luck
y’all because this is fun…yes, even more fun than the wild world of bumble
swipes and dates.
