Fort Worth

Fort Worth; 26 years old

A few Saturdays ago I had a date with Fort Worth. I don’t like that Fort Worth lives in Fort Worth because that’s out of uber range and really hinders my pregame rule. Luckily for me, he came to me for this date. I got the message that morning that he was going to be in Dallas and wanted to know if I was free. I can always use some wine on a Saturday so I was down. We made plans to meet at 4:30 at a place with a nice patio since the weather was gorgeous. I was sitting at home half getting ready but mostly drinking wine (that pregame though) when I realized I never asked his height. The thought of showing up on a date with someone my height prompted me to kill my current glass of wine, take one for the team and ask. He passed the height test with flying colors so I decided to fuck with him and agree that I was his same height. I really love doing this because at my height if you get someone to believe you’re on the taller end of life, it provides great entertainment. My humor (but really just being kind of drunk) made him excited for this date. I was laughing because even if I was his height he couldn’t back out of this date now. Fully pregamed, I get in my uber. My uber is driving painfully slow endangering my rule of always beating the date there, I let him know this. 

I win, I’m the first one there. I get a glass of wine at the bar and begin my wait. I love when I can see them coming the second they walk in the door because that way they never see my first reaction but I see theirs when they find me. Fort Worth is nicely dressed, which is important, I don’t have time to dress you, adults dress themselves, and he’s actually cuter than his photos.

Fast-forward about 2 hours. He mentions his friends are going to dinner farther down the road and I’m welcome to come. I’m drunk enough to agree, especially because this certain place makes my favorite frozen margaritas. I’m also drunk enough to convince him to walk there. I tried to hold his hand a few times while walking, partly because I wanted to and partly because I needed some assistance walking forward in a straight line. I missed a few times but he was into it when I finally got that hand/eye coordination together. This walk was so much farther than drunk me had calculated. On this marathon of a walk we pass a flower shop and he suggests we go in. Am I on the bachelor??? ABC cameras where you at?!? (Sadly, I haven’t auditioned for the Bachelor but if this bumble thing doesn’t work out, it might be my next plan – everyone wants to see a drunk girl make fun of everyone else, right?). We made it out of the flower shop with no flowers but the kid gave it a college try to get them for me. Next date I’ll let him know I don’t like flowers. They just take up room and then die, I’m so romantic right?

Fort Worth and I are about an hour early for this friends dinner, which is dangerous since this gives us more time to drink. These frozen margaritas are no joke, they’ll take down a 6’0 200lb guy and yours truly is nowhere near that height or weight. By the grace of God I am still awake when the party of 13 arrives for dinner and not by the grace of God we are sitting outside. I dressed for drinks on a patio in the sun at 4:30, not frozen margaritas outside at 8:30pm. Fort Worth was sweet and tried his best to keep me from shivering. It didn’t work. I eventually drank enough to combat the cold and at this point I really should go home. I don’t. I have no idea what time it is, who I’m with or why I’m in a car going to another restaurant but apparently I'm just along for the ride. Hell I might be getting kidnapped, so much for that skepticism and FBI file preparation I had a few months ago…Turns out I wasn’t kidnapped but I did fall asleep on his shoulder at that last restaurant because I’m a winner like that and I’m also not cut out to drink for 6 hours. For some reason Fort Worth still texts me after this date and even said he had a good time and has since mentioned a second date; he definitely had to be real drunk too. Maybe he’s Fort Worth it? (that was much more clever and definitely funnier in my head..)