Mr. A&M

Mr. A&M; 26 years old.

            I broke one of my cardinal rules when I swiped right on Mr. A&M since his profile said he was a “model”.  Usually the “models” on bumble have a couple of those real glamour shots where they’re looking off into the distance with perfect lighting while being perfectly dressed with a hint of makeup but since I didn’t see any of those in Mr. A&M’s photo lineup and he was cute, so I went for the right swipe.  Turns out the “model” has a real job! And it’s not a traveling consultant (that might be double the points). We had been talking for almost a week and things were going well; he thought I was funny and complimented me a good amount so I was definitely into it (but seriously, just feed me and tell me I’m pretty and I’m sold).

            He kept asking when we’d have this first date that kept getting mentioned which I thought was sweet.  I was seeing Traveling 30 that Tuesday (yeah, we’re still catching up to real time on this blog) and I usually try to limit my dates to one during the week and one on the weekend so I was giving Mr. A&M a little bit of the run around. It’s really hard for me to plan more dates than that each week for a few reasons. 1. I’m lazy and it’s hard for me to get all my shit together that many times to look decent and act somewhat normal; 2. Anymore than that and now we’re really messing up my workout routine; and 3. Yours truly lives alone and really can’t deal with other people more than that in one week, especially people I don’t know. There’s a limit to the amount of times I can talk about what I do, where I’m from, what I like to do and what brought me to Dallas.

            As it turns out, the Wednesday after I saw Traveling 30 I ended up getting off a few hours early so I decided to just see if Mr. A&M would be up for a last minute meet up; he was. Deciding on a place was a nightmare; every time I suggested a place, this kid would just throw something else back. Finally, I let him choose from 3 options because sometimes you just have to treat them like children. He also pushed back the time of our date but this time it worked out in my favor because I wasn’t going to make it earlier than our original planned time (which would jeopardize beating him there) and pushing it back actually allowed me time for some wine (because that’s always needed). 

            I had never been to this place before and I spent the first few minutes walking around lost, so I’m really glad he pushed the time back at this point. I find my way to the bar because I always like to have a glass of wine in hand when my date arrives because it gives me something to do if it’s awkward when they first get there and this first glass is also just part of the pregame. Between this place being almost pitch black and the fact that every seat at the bar was taken the bartender barely noticed me. I panicked a little watching this process move at snail speed but all was right in the world again when I had wine and no date yet.

            I chose to wear my go-to date outfit since it’s comfortable and I think it looks good but it’s basic as fuck.  Black leggings, long sleeve white shirt under my Barbour quilted vest paired with my brown riding boots and matching infinity scarf; I call it casual but adorable. Mr. A&M shows up in a suit, complete with a polka dot tie, so we’re slightly mismatched. Also at this point I am realizing that guys use “5’10” like girls use the phrase “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes”; it’s a lie but it makes the other party feel better.

            We sit at a table and I’m ready for another glass of wine. I order one and Mr. A&M is going hard with whiskey on the rocks…remember it’s a Wednesday. Anyway, things are going sort of well and by that I mean we’re not sitting in silence but I’m kind of mostly looking around. These chairs are also the worst type of uncomfortable. You know those really hard wooden chairs? Yep, those. These are also high top chairs and being short and having your legs dangle is even worse. To deal with these god awful chairs my solution is to awkwardly keep alternating crossing my legs (so the side of my bony butt that is in excruciating pain gets switched). I think he thought I was playing footsie with him because all of the sudden I feel a very tight grasp around my foot and he pulls my foot onto his leg. I’m really confused and my face must have showed it because his eyes got real big and asked “was that your foot?” I agreed but was still confused and that made it more awkward. On top of being short, I also have ridiculously short legs so my foot kept sliding off but without missing a beat there was that bear trap of a grip to bring it right back up. This is weird right? I’m convinced this is weird and this has never happened before and I hope it doesn’t happen again. Let’s fast forward to when it’s time to go home.

            He offers to drive me home which is pretty standard on these dates and I kind of expect it now (go ahead, judge me). I take the offer. I assume we’re walking to his car but we just keep walking farther and farther and now I’m freaked out. All of the sudden we’re in this weird residential neighborhood and it’s dark and there are no other cars or people. I am now convinced this is it for me, I am finally being sold on the black market. At least I have my go-to date outfit on so I’ll be guaranteed to get a good pimp. OK, slight overreaction. I wasn’t kidnapped. Apparently we were walking to his apartment since he walked to the restaurant (but that could have been something you told me before I was convinced I was maybe about to die). We even had to go upstairs to the kitchen to get his keys and yours truly sure as hell is not standing outside alone in the dark at this time so I follow. SURPRISE, he has a roommate who is waking up on the couch. And since I’ve had a few glasses of wine and I’ve been dutifully following him around I meet this roommate by leaning out from behind Mr. A&M accompanied by probably the most awkward half-assed wave anyone could muster. But seriously, who has a roommate over the age of 23?

            I did make it home safe and sound. I’ve actually seen Mr. A&M a few times since this first date and those times went pretty well. Minus the last time I saw him when he was barely walking straight and I’m not sure he even knew which girl I was…maybe he was seeing double at this point? It was real awkward. We haven’t talked since then. Next?